Je réalise tant de choses... J'ai été une enfant avec toi, j'ai fais n'importe quoi alors que je sais ce que je veux, et je ne l'appliquais pas. Toi aussi tu as fait n'importe quoi, et pourquoi, car nous en sommes encore... Des enfants. J'ai eu des réactions ridicules parfois, j'ai laissé des choses prendre le dessus alors que tant d'autres choses valent mieux. Profiter, rire, aimer, danser, chanter, rencontrer et pourtant...
J'espère tant pouvoir rattraper cela un jour... Devenir quelqu'un de mieux, être capable de vivre comme je l'entends, être bien avec moi-même, et partager toutes ces choses avec toi. Voyager et vivre à deux. Une chose rare aujourd'hui.
Je suis désolée de ne pas avoir agi comme une adulte, mais comme l'enfant que je suis toujours quelque part même si je refuse complètement de le voir en face. Bien sûr que l'on ne devient pas ce qu'on veut être en un coup de baguette. Je veux être capable d'être quelqu'un de bien, et peut-être un jour de l'être à tes côtés, si la vie m'en donnait l'opportunité. Bosseuse, forçeuse, fonceuse, têtue, sentimentale, enfantine, idiote, intelligente, forte mais qui a besoin d'apprendre encore et encore, le temps de toute une vie, à gérer les choses et m'engage à ne pas laisser le néfaste de ma vie empiéter sur les choses qui en valent la peine.
Je continuerais de travailler dans ma vie pour accomplir mes projets. Et j'espère un jour pouvoir chanter avec toi devant plusieurs ciels s'offrant à nous.
Tu as besoin d'être enfant et de te tromper pour grandir, mais ça ne suffit pas, tant de choses font un accomplissement. Nous sommes sans cesse sur une route, et bien entendu que nous changeons, pour devenir une meilleure version de nous. Ces choses me forment. Si tu es perdue, tu as besoin d'une étape pour te retrouver, apprendre, t'imposer dans ce monde et vivre. Toi aussi, et tu as tant de potentiel, n'en doute jamais et surtout ne le gâche pas.
Je suis plus jeune mais je ferais toujours tout ce que je peux.
"I don't like too straight hair" I'm always saying that but hell if you knew how much I love your beautiful blond straight hair. Makes me thing of this time when I said "I don't like pair numbers" as I usually say. And you were sad because your birthday is on the 26th. If you knew how happy I was... You always feeling bad on your birthday even when everyone is saying kind words. Probably when I did too. You wanting me to love your birthday number was one of my favorite things ever. And you may never knew that one of my most important number ever is 26.
When I hear, see, news about you, it's really strange. But today I knew what you doing now, the mixed feeling isn't the most important. The most is that my first wish is your happiness. Even if it should hurt me and send me right to hell, I want you to be the happiest woman of the world, I want you to be able to smile without any force. Even if I can't see it.
We have to accept to be able to build. We are still in a "I want to make it, I want this or that" thought, because we still have hope, even if we think we don't. That's why we're still here. We have to accept the facts, understand that we made this or that, that we fucked up but we had the right to. Talk about how we felt when the other has made something that made us feel uncomfortable. On the moment. Because we exist with our ego, wanting or no. Being able to be with yourself in order to be able to be with others. There aren't bad people, there are only hurt people.
"I create this absence to grow up even more the desire."
These few words making me realize about everything today when I read it. When I think about it, I wasted it all myself.I know I've made a lot of stupidities. Letting everything goes to protect you instead of making you understand. In order to not upset you, not create conflicts even when it wasn't ok. Even If I just had to talk, do. I need to be myself and be confident to show you what it worths. Yeah, when we love we need to see the other and that was your need one day. I wasted everything being someone I'm not. I think it's because I'm not confident about myself and more than all, I was afraid of losing the only thing that meant to me. The only thing I didn't want to get away again. I might should have been more active but afraid of consequences I was passive. Even on the passionate plan and the charmer one. And so we didn't fully discovered each other yet. Physically too, may be especially. That may appear strange but when I meet you again passionatly and I see your smile telling me "again", I feel alive...
I didn't want to waste anything but I did anyway doing this. That's why we need to be alone, both of us. To make it work. So I will, and work on myself until the good moment. To make it even deeper. What is between us is so intense...It's probably why I could not just stay here, besides you, watching everything fallings appart.The real me is inside, and you know a large part of him. More the idea. He has been there sometimes thought. The passionate one. I Need to meet myself again, so as you to see the world from another eye. But this thing beatin up in me is still doing for you, I don't know how it works, my love. Its just do.
All these days and nights I want to spend with you. One day I'll show you Paris and all her facets and so much more... You would see you can like it too. Paris and so much more. Drive you into the little roads, cities, countries. Before coming home. The world have so much to give to us. It can be in your own city an afternoon. It could be miles away from here, sun or wild ocean waiting for you... The lights from the sky or the lights of a living city. That's why I want to grow up, have my little car and do much things. And may be one day with you. And show you it worths it. That would be my complete life. My little home, travel, doing some healthy things, watching a movie, playing, coming home after work, taking a hot shower and cook. Seing some friends, have some projects, meet some people in the world. That's what I wanna do and I will feel complete if I could share all this with you. If you were in that hot shower too.