We have to accept to be able to build. We are still in a "I want to make it, I want this or that" thought, because we still have hope, even if we think we don't. That's why we're still here. We have to accept the facts, understand that we made this or that, that we fucked up but we had the right to. Talk about how we felt when the other has made something that made us feel uncomfortable. On the moment. Because we exist with our ego, wanting or no. Being able to be with yourself in order to be able to be with others. There aren't bad people, there are only hurt people.
"I create this absence to grow up even more the desire."
These few words making me realize about everything today when I read it. When I think about it, I wasted it all myself.I know I've made a lot of stupidities. Letting everything goes to protect you instead of making you understand. In order to not upset you, not create conflicts even when it wasn't ok. Even If I just had to talk, do. I need to be myself and be confident to show you what it worths. Yeah, when we love we need to see the other and that was your need one day. I wasted everything being someone I'm not. I think it's because I'm not confident about myself and more than all, I was afraid of losing the only thing that meant to me. The only thing I didn't want to get away again. I might should have been more active but afraid of consequences I was passive. Even on the passionate plan and the charmer one. And so we didn't fully discovered each other yet. Physically too, may be especially. That may appear strange but when I meet you again passionatly and I see your smile telling me "again", I feel alive...
I didn't want to waste anything but I did anyway doing this. That's why we need to be alone, both of us. To make it work. So I will, and work on myself until the good moment. To make it even deeper. What is between us is so intense...It's probably why I could not just stay here, besides you, watching everything fallings appart.The real me is inside, and you know a large part of him. More the idea. He has been there sometimes thought. The passionate one. I Need to meet myself again, so as you to see the world from another eye. But this thing beatin up in me is still doing for you, I don't know how it works, my love. Its just do.
All these days and nights I want to spend with you. One day I'll show you Paris and all her facets and so much more... You would see you can like it too. Paris and so much more. Drive you into the little roads, cities, countries. Before coming home. The world have so much to give to us. It can be in your own city an afternoon. It could be miles away from here, sun or wild ocean waiting for you... The lights from the sky or the lights of a living city. That's why I want to grow up, have my little car and do much things. And may be one day with you. And show you it worths it. That would be my complete life. My little home, travel, doing some healthy things, watching a movie, playing, coming home after work, taking a hot shower and cook. Seing some friends, have some projects, meet some people in the world. That's what I wanna do and I will feel complete if I could share all this with you. If you were in that hot shower too.